Puerto Rico – ¡Narcoestado Americáno!
By El Compay.
December 12, 2011
Foto original vía gentemierdapr.com
¡La estadidad llego! Sort of, but not the statehood that the PNP wants. Puerto Rico is just 3 steps away from achieving full recognition as a Narcostate according to the UN. So who can we thank for this (almost) achievement?
First, I’d like to thank Andrew Mellon, William Randolph Hearst, and the DuPont family. In a brazen act of corruption, you convinced the world that hemp (and by default Marijuana) is bad, and needed to be controlled. All of this effort was to make a few extra dollars off of your timber holdings, and sell more newspapers (Making news!)
Second, I’d like to thank Richard Nixon, for the creation of this ridiculous and ineffective war on drugs. This artifact has shown me that Americans don’t learn from their mistakes. Remember prohibition? Well, this is it, but without the nice suits that Nucky Thompson wore, and with a half century’s worth of weapons development to help the criminals. It is gonna be the roaring twenties again in less than a decade! The roaring 2020’s!
Next, I’d like to thank the cartels and dealers. Seriously guys, great job. You are proof that capitalism still exists! You saw a market need, and you jumped in. And just like legitimate businesses, you hate government intervention. So you either grease a few palms, or take necessary action to avoid it and counteract it.
Fourth, I’d like to thank the US. Seriously guys, good job. You take us away from the Spanish, and forget that by doing so, we’re an extension of your southern border. Maybe you should call us the wet southern border. Or maybe implement customs (but not immigration) checks for inbound flights from Puerto Rico to the mainland US.
Fifth, I’d like to thank every Puerto Rican governor since Rossello. Pedro, Sila, Aníbal, and Fortuño… Thank you! Your policies that have failed to create legitimate work have instead helped to foster the creation of this industry in Puerto Rico, and as a result the increased crime that comes with it. We Puerto Ricans are survivors, and if we can’t get legitimate work, we’ll get work where we can. This isn’t about values – this is about putting food on the table.
Sixth, I’d like to thank the Puerto Rican Police. You’re corrupt and ineffective – just what is needed to make the creation of our narcostatehood possible! You work for the taxpayers while you’re working for the cartels. It’s ok though, one can hardly expect you to buy that new plasma TV on a police salary.
Seventh, I’d like to thank los reguetoneros. Not the entire genre, but there are several who deserve thanks. Specifically those that glorify the lifestyle and have created a culture that idolizes drug dealers and the corrupt politicians that allow them to thrive.
And finally, I’d like to thank the people of Puerto Rico for not doing a damned thing about this. Seriously, nothing more needs to be said. We consume the drugs, we purchase the drugs, and we don’t call the police when we see them dealt, because then we won’t be able to get our drugs.
¡Narcoestadidad ahora!
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